“In 2003 I had just started at teacher’s college when I fell pregnant. I was determined to see the year out. I didn’t take care of myself properly; I wasn’t eating right or drinking enough fluids, and I wasn’t getting sleep because I was up doing essays.. When the time came to give birth my baby’s heart stopped beating during the delivery. It was during the final stages of labour and too late for a Caesarean. When baby was born he wasn’t breathing and had no signs of movement. The nurses pressed the emergency button and the doctors did what they needed to. Although it felt like forever, he finally let out a cry and I knew he was going to be fine.
I vowed never to study whilst pregnant again. At the end of 2004 when I found out I was pregnant again I took the whole year off so I could focus on keeping healthy, even though it would have been my final year of study.. I wanted to give my baby the best chance at life.
However, on July 17th 2005, our baby was stillborn. The midwife was silent when looking at the ultrasound monitor. Eventually she said, ”I’m really sorry… there is no heart beat”. I didn’t believe her. The specialist came in and hooked me up to a new machine and confirmed there was no heartbeat. I still had to go through giving birth, and at times I wanted to give up, wondering what the point was. When she was born, she looked like she was sleeping. She was so beautiful. She would be eleven this year, and we continue to celebrate her birthday each year.
Life doesn’t always come to us in the way that we want it to; there are going to be times we are tested. You have to take what’s happened and live it the best way you know how. Life is to be lived.”
